Monday, June 6, 2011

Our New Journey

Before the kids were born, the hubster and I tossed around the idea of homeschooling. With neither one of us feeling like the smarty-pants type of parent that you must be to accomplish such a task (successfully), we decided not to think about it. Aaaaand to the backburner it went.

However, it didn’t stay there. It kept nagging at me. I tried to pretend the horror stories of our failing public schools in the media didn’t affect me. That’s not in my state... I live in a small town, that doesn’t happen here... I tried to persuade myself into thinking that it’s not as bad as it seems. Truth be told, it probably seems better than it is.

With Kindergarten behind us, I have been forced to make a decision. My son’s school has been shut down for the next school year as the budget has been cut yet again. More teachers have been laid off and classroom sizes are growing. My son, Mr. Sensitive Ears, did not do well at the beginning of his Kindergarten year. That is, until they split his class into two different classes. He excelled with far fewer classmates. He went from needing an extra reading class to reading an entire book by himself in a matter of weeks.

As parents, we were quite proud of our little scholar and fond of his teacher, Mr. Teacher, but there were still problems. Jaedon complained that he hated school and the only thing he liked about it each day was recess. I noticed that his schoolwork didn’t change much, even though he had mastered the worksheets, he was still doing the very same ones week in, week out. I believe Jaedon became bored of school because he was not being challenged. He still loves to do “school work” at home - so at least I know it isn’t learning that he hates. Yet another issue: bullies. Jaedon does not know how to handle bullies and the school is apparently full of them. I’d hear stories from my son nearly every week about a mean kid.

I don’t want anyone to feel like I am blaming schools or teachers for failing our students. I admire so many teachers, Mr. Teacher being one of them. There have been a handful of teachers in my life that have really inspired me.

For my family, homeschooling is the path we will be taking in the coming school year. I am very excited - today I have put in my order for the supplies we will need for next year. I just hope that a year from now I am not ripping my hair out.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Rambling, Ramble, Rambler.

It's been nearly a year(!) since I last blogged. Nothing dramatic happened to make me run for the hills, I guess life just took over for a while and the blog was at the bottom of my list. If I had a list. Man, I really need to start making lists. First on the list, get organized! Maybe tomorrow...

What's happened lately?
Jaedon is in Kindergarten, Trevin will soon be three (yippee!), Andrew's store is closing, I'm thinking of changing my major, we are moving to the valley, Emma is the sweetest dog ever, and I don't care what the rules are, I like to use run-on sentences. Well, I do care about the rules, they just don't apply to me. Okay, they do... I just don't know the rules well enough to follow them. I have no idea what I am talking about anymore. We bought a car.

Today I gave both the boys a haircut. The fact that Wednesday is class picture day gave me the motivation to do something I had been putting off. Jaedon has been wanting to grow his hair out a bit - and I'm fine with that until it's long enough to put in a ponytail. It was no where near being that long, thank goodness! However, today he was ready to go short, but not too short. Next came the dread of cutting Trevin's hair. He hates to have his hair cut, but hates to have it washed even more. I like to keep his hair short during this phase so I can just use a rag to wash his hair. To my delight, he did not mind the hair chopping one bit. My baby is growing up!

I hope you all are enjoying this day with your loved ones as much as I am with mine.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

No Choking, PLEASE.

I thought that once Spring Break rollled around that I'd finally have time and energy to pour into my blog. I miss my blog. I really miss getting everything out. Instead I have found myself preparing for Trevin's 2nd birthday party. This year I decided to make everything myself. Every last decoration & party favor - all made with my two hand and a glue gun. My glue gun is my new best friend. I've had a lot of fun with it and my boys are so excited about it & want to play with everything... But they CANNOT. At least not yet. I wish I would have taken step by step photos. I was just busy trying to keep my little one from "playing" with the glue gun or sewing needles. I will post photos after the party of all the decorations & little diddies. The party isn't for another month so don't forget about it, mmmkay? Here is a little sneak peak...

Little monster magnet favors.... I just love 'em!

My only snag with this party planning is trying to figure out the menu. I don't want to serve a full meal, mostly just finger foods. I was thinking mini pizzas.... But what to serve along side of that??? Green and orange are the colors I am repeating the most with the decor, however this is a party for 2 year olds & they choke (mine does) on carrots & celery. How perfect would that be, though? Not the choking, but the color combo?

Speaking of choking...

Trevin did choke really bad the other day on a pretzel. It scared me. Usually I don't get scared when the kids choke, but this time I did. He went pale and started to blue. I was beating him so hard on his back I just knew he was going to have severe brusing (he didn't). He was still able to cough here and there so I knew it wasn't time to give chest compressions. It was just a week before this happened that I took a CPR class (I think God likes to show off sometimes). I just told myself that it didn't matter if I hurt him, but it certainly would matter if he died. Finally, we got it out. It was a joint effort, me pounding him, him puking it up. He nearly swallowed the thing whole. It had one bite taken out of it (one of those mini heart shaped pretzels). Jaedon thought it was disgusting the way Trevin had puked all over me. I thought it was beautiful. Ah, mommyhood.

Monday, March 1, 2010

On a Sunday

March 1, 1992 I was dusting our big old vintage TV. It was Sunday and we were doing our usual Sunday ritual. Dusting, vacuuming, cleaning here and there. I loved dusting that big old TV. Something about watching all that built up dust wipe away in an instant to reveal a clean, shiny surface was just fun for me. We were listening to music in the background. I was carefree and having fun. I had no idea how soon my life would take a complete change.

Who wouldn't want to clean that big beast of a TV (the bottom one)?

The phone rang. So many times throughout the past 18 years I have wished that that phone call never came. My mom answered, and I remembered it had to have been something serious because everything else stopped. Somehow our neighbor, Tracy, was there. She and I were standing there, staring, waiting to hear what the call was about.

I remember my mom saying, “You’re dad has been in an accident.” She stayed clam and suggested I do the same, since we didn’t have more information there was no use in worrying. People have accidents all the time and most of the time they just have minor injuries, right?

Well, I was seven. I couldn’t control myself. I never thought of my parents being able to get hurt, let alone die. But all I could think from that point on was that everything was not going to be alright. I started to tremble, tears filled my eyes and I just started screaming. It seemed like only seconds before the second call came. I was holding onto all hope that this call would bear good news.


How could my dad be dead? Just like that, so sudden. How could he be taken away from me like that? I couldn’t even remember the last time I hugged and kissed him. Or if I told him I loved him the last time I said goodbye to him. Does he know that I love him?

Every night for years I cried myself to sleep. I was too young to even comprehend death and I had no idea how to deal with (even as an adult still I don’t know how). I prayed, wished on stars, obsessed on finding a way to make things right enough with God that he would bring my dad back to me. As I grew a little older that obsession turned into depression. I knew and finally accepted the fact that my dad was never coming back. I wouldn’t get to wrap my arms around him ever again. Never again would his pokey mustache tickle my lips when I gave him a kiss goodnight. I wouldn’t get to see his goose bumps anymore either. I remembered sitting on his lap one morning commenting on the goose bumps, “Daddy, are you cold?“ “No,“ he said. “Why?“ “Because you always have goose bumps!” He just smiled and replied, “I do?” I’ll never hear his voice again.

All I wanted to do was be back with my daddy again. So much that I was constantly thinking of ways to kill myself. I believe this lasted from the age of 10 till I was 14. There were a couple of nights, after everyone had fallen asleep that I’d walk into the kitchen and grab a knife and just place it against my skin. I always ended up sobbing on the floor, not ever having cut myself. I think I was too afraid of how mad my mom would be if I had actually gone through with it. Whatever the reason, I know God was there watching over me. Even though I didn’t know it at the time, He was allowing me to cry on His shoulder.

I thought I was doing my dad’s memory justice by being so lonely and sad and shut off from the rest of the world. I was 14, sitting on my bed, crying over my dad when it hit me. And I mean I literally felt something hit me, though I was all alone in my room. I realized that this wasn’t the life my dad had hoped for me. I realized that all he ever wanted was for me to be happy and to live my life. He lived his. Why on earth did I think he would want anything different for me?

My life changed again from that point on. A few people actually gave me the nickname of “smiley.” Not everyday was easy. I wish he was there to see the birth of his youngest child. I wish that he could have been there to see me before prom. I wish he was there the night I got engaged. My wedding day. For the births of my children. I wish he was there for all the important moments in mine and my brother & sister’s lives. But mostly I wish he were here to enjoy the day-to-day nothing-ness. Like moments when my son says something out of the blue, “This (crackers) isn’t what I was expecting. I was expecting real food.”
I wish he were here so I could just throw my arms around him and squeeze him tightly. I wish I could tease him about his goose bumps again.

I used to wonder if he was proud of me and the choices I made. But now, I am at ease knowing that if he were still alive, he would be. I know that, because I am happy. I am married to man who loves me. I have two kids that bring me such joy (when they aren’t two year olds… Just being honest!). So much around us and in our lives together has gone wrong or failed. But the important things, those that mean the most, that’s what we have going right in our lives. I’d like to think that that would make my dad really happy to know.

I am so thankful that I did have him in my life for those 7 years. He was a loving father. I have so much more to say, but so much of it is difficult to put into words. I love my dad. It’s been 18 years and I still miss him. And it still hurts. But, I am happy.
I'll always your little girl. XOXO

Friday, February 12, 2010

Because, Sometimes, You Have to Have Pancakes for Dinner

I have gone back to school full-time. For me, it's only 2 classes plus a lab this semester. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have my CNA class. It's in the morning & so far Andrew's been able to arrange his schedule to watch the kids. Tuesday & Thurday I have my math class in the evening. My wonderful MIL watches the boys for me & feeds them dinner. Most nights, it is pancakes. Mmm... Pancakes.

Well, of course hubby was getting a bit jealous (and so was I to be honest). So the other night we had these beauties for dinner:

Whole Wheat Favorite Pancakes

1-1/4 cup whole wheat flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons oil

Mix all dry ingredients together in one bowl & all wet ingredients in another. Combine until a consistant pancake batter*. Pour onto heated iron skillet or griddle. I really don't think I need to go through all the steps here, do I?

*I did have to add quite a bit more milk for a thinner consistancy & more even cooking. This is a great base recipe. Play around with it, add chocolate chips, cinnamon, brown sugar,  sweet potatoes (maybe use less milk if you do), etc.

I doubled the recipe & had plenty leftovers for breakfast the next morning. Score!


I dread the weekends. Usually I spend Friday & Saturday nights all alone once my boys go to bed. At 7:00. I have a lot of time on my hands. Time that I don't spend wisely. It would be a great opportunity to get organized, get crafty, catch up on some reading, exercise, or even study & do my math homework. I don't ever do any of that. I don't waste my time on TV since we don't have cable. Nothing good was ever on during the weekends anyway. Gosh, why am I so lame?

However, tonight I did do a teeny, tiny, little craft project.

Now if only Andrew were in town & didn't have to work all weekend.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Not ready to catch up just yet...

I know, I know. I haven't been writting very much. And I'm still not going to. I will say this; today was my first day back to school & I think it's going to be a great semester! Oh, and by the way, I'm going back to school. Didn't I mention that? Oops.
I am determined to become an RN. This semester isn't too heavy a load, but I'm super excited to be back & even talk to some adults. Yes, there are youngin's (hahaha, as if I'm old) in the classes (some high schoolers, even), but most are my age & even have kids. Score!
Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take
refuge in him. Proverbs 30:5